Smiling and giggling
Had a great time at the Kingdom Hall talking to my friends but now driving home
You know how it is when you're driving around town? No one likes to admit that when they are running their errands or just driving. They automatically look at the people walking on sidewalks as they drive by, in hopes of seeing a certain someone (or a couple of key people).
Well I'll admit it...I always look for 2 certain people.
That is when I saw one
I was driving home from the Kingdom Hall like always. Then BAM I see him. I saw a guy around my age (19) on a skateboard. His tall lean body slightly hunching over to keep his speed consistent.
Pale face determined to get to where he is heading with no hint of awareness about his surroundings. Just determination.
Beanie covering his dirty blond hair. Headphones in his ears. Like always...
I recognized him instantly
A piece of my security and past...
Everything in my being said "Go to him" except one tiny part that was completely overruled and obliterated at the time.
Then I realized he was going the opposite way on the other side of the street
"Make a u-turn" "hurry"
Wearing red leather heels I put my foot on the gas clumsily and charged in the lane over to make a u-turn without turning on my blinker.
I snapped out of my unwavering and obstinate trance.
What am I doing? I know he is a bad influence.
I turned on my blinker to go back in the lane heading home.
That scared me. If he was closer to me I would have no doubt that I'd pick him up and drive him home. Then...start talking to him. -sigh-
I'm helplessly trying to stay away from my past and grow up but gosh why is it so hard.
Well first things first.
Ryan and I aren't together right now.
We might be later. There is like a 50/50 chance.
Well let me explain
Ryan and I weren't doing so good because we weren't mature enough to handle a relationship and weren't spiritually strong enough to keep our priorities straight. So we decided to not be together so we can mature emotionally and spiritually before being together again. Because a couple really shouldn't be dating unless they have hopes of getting married.
You're probably thinking "No! She's crazy..."
Well really think about it.
You're with a girl/guy and you guys are great together. You might not want to be with them forever so you are just together for nothing really. You guys are kinda using each other for one reason or the other (company, sex, feeling loved, etc..) Then once the couple splits apart there is a huge amount of pain because they get attached. You act immature, he/she acts immature and what has the person learned? Nothing much. Just to not go out with someone like THAT again.
haha sorry about that little spew
I wanted you to understand where I'm coming from.
So I'm not talking to Ryan at all because my emotional progress halts and I start obsessing over him. Which is very unhealthy and is not true love at all.
and let's see...
I'm an unbaptized publisher
I am going to go to Santa Ana to get my certificate to be an OTA (kinda like a physical therapist)
I've been going out in service for 20 hours or more each month and I've been getting closer to all the brothers and sisters in the Kingdom Hall. Learning to love them
So far I love all of them
Tom, Kathleen, Brent, Pam, Wayne, Renee, Jackie, Elizabeth, Sophia, Chelsea, Jessica, Leslie, Mary, Nyla, Sandy and gosh so many more to learn and love
Hmm I think that's about it
I hope I'm in a better mood in the next post. I'm a little upset/angry/disturbed right now
I will be better
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Today we got the new full bred bengal girl kitty and I named her my old gamer name Kiyomi. She is such a little girl, even her meow is a girl's meow. Instead of our other full bred bengal guy kitty(Kira) that sounds like Rowww, Kiyomi sounds like meww haha. The only reason I'm actually able to type right now it because Kiyomi is asleep in my stuffed animals on my bed.
Other than that nothing else is new besides me eating the cookies and brownies I made like crazy.
Oh yeah I am also nervous about college...I'm still not sure what to do.
Btw these two pictures are of the girl(Kiyomi)
She is 8 weeks old<3
Thursday, April 23, 2009
So many things have happened just in the past 3 or so months. It's hard to believe the changes I've made.
When you are at the ages around 16 up until the mid 20s, you think you completely know yourself and know many things. But when something pops up and you react a way that is completely different or you learn a little more about your surroundings, that is when you realize that you actually know very little. Not only about yourself but everything around you. It's a nerve racking feeling to come to this epiphany.
Lately I've been busy with religious activities like bible study, The Kingdom Hall(church) and just studying on my own or with Ryan. It seems like it's never enough , especially since I am so busy with the new kitty Kira and we'll be getting another one to keep him company. I'm excited about that =)
And something else that is new, my personality has been changing for the better....I think lol. I'm becoming more aware of everything around me and myself so I'm pretty happy. Ryan and I have been going out for a little over 8 months now. He's been coming to the Kingdom Hall(Church), bible study and all that good stuff with me. We even study together =D but his mom thinks he's getting too much into the religion. It sounds a bit possessive, but who can blame her? He IS the only child. So she told him to not to go bible studies and that means no Tuesday or Fridays. He is still going to sneak to Fridays because bible study is more important than pleasing his mom. Oh yeah Ryan and I came to an agreement about something, we agreed to try to learn/help ourselves then we can focus on the relationship with each other.
Oh yeah! I also forgot to mention that I finally took Ryan to learn how to snowboard. I'm pretty sure he loved it. We had fun =)
So everything is great so far. I really like all of my classes in school right now(Biology 1, Geometry, English 68, and Singing) and just everything seems to be going well. Besides me trying to get rid of my bitterness and major flaws in my personality and even that is going pretty good with the help of my love Ryan.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Wow, It's been forever. Ok well I doubt that anyone is reading this so I will write whatever I want and not be afraid haha. So far in my life I have been cranky and a bit bitter...only sometimes though. The other times I am happy as can be because I have a wonderful boyfriend, best friend, and family. I also have what I always wanted, a boyfriend that isn't only considering my religion but he is actually the guy I've always looked for. Ryan, He is smart, patient, social, caring, doesn't care about looks at all really, and what matters to me the most is he is truly loving. Yeah that's right...he's TRULY loving...meaning he doesn't come with the crap of all those unloving guys come with. Jealousy and the rest of those upsetting and tiring things. ANYWAYS! sorry to drag that stuff on so much haha. Back to my life. It feels like I am living in a drama almost. You know...with the ill dad, stressed mom, stressed brother, a bestfriend that I've had for 7 years now, the dream boyfriend oh and of course the drama with the rest of the friends/ex's. Sorry about this smelly blog just about my life. It will be better next time. I promise =)
Oh btw. The picture on top is Ryan(my boyfriend) and I.
Then the bottom one is Amber(bestfriend) and I.